#it absolves me of having to introspect

[sirlancenotalot]

i'm doing escapril and i wrote a destiel related poem for yesterday and now i'm FUCKED my mind keeps wanting to make all of them destiel related (like one of the prompts is literally 'truth' and my mind went despair???????)

[scionshtola]

i’m still thinking about this sorry but the idea that the wol’s actions are the same as the garlean army’s actions just really rubs me the wrong way. like i dont think its actually a nuanced position to suggest that theres no difference between resisting imperial violence and committing it. the reason the garlemald section stands out to me is not because well it’s okay, the garleans thought what they were doing was right and we committed violence against them too so who’s to say who is right or wrong. it’s that they are demonstrably in the wrong and we help them anyway. because we can, because they need it.

[reblogandlikes]

Self insert Fandom

I've come to realise that most of the toxicity within the acotar fandom is often rooted in a ridiculous amount of self insert. They see a character as them, therefore their actions are absolved. They see another character in their abuser, or worse, 'as' their abusers and so they can never be impartial towards them, thinking the worst because in real life they've dealt with a lot.

I get it. Art can sometimes mimic reality, but they are indeed forgetting that this is a whole fantasy fiction book about human women turned fae getting dicked down with a hint of war and political intrigue. These characters are not, in fact, you or your abusers. Making the series so personal to themselves can then lead to a lack of introspection of the work as a whole made to be enjoyed and critiqued to the readers' preference, whether shallow or in depth.

But because this fandom in particular seem to make these books so personal than reading it as a piece of fiction, they're inflicting real world scenarios onto fictional characters and if their characters face any backlash or reasonable questioning, they take it as a personal attack which for some reason leads to insults and wild assumptions of very REAL people.

"No, no one is saying you should forgive your abuser mum, boyfriend, sister, because this literally isn't about you. I dont know you or your situation. Im talking about *insert character*."

"No, I don't think reactive abuse is OK, though I also don't believe lying about SA is OK either, let alone condoning SA."

"What do you mean it's abusive to lock someone up and then make an excuse to say it's not abuse to lock someone else up?"

The mental gymnastics is truly outstanding. If they're so called morally grey, let them be just that.

Speaking for myself, it's easy to find some commonality in a characters personality. It's written by a whole human who has a personality too, after all. But I do not attach myself to these characters as if they are my family members or those dear to me. They are, in fact, not real, and I will talk about them in the context of a fantasy text, generally.

Now the moment you take their actions out of a fantasy text, every character, and I mean, every character, needs to be dealt with the same scrutiny. Your faves will be called out and dragged. You cannot call real people names, but then think highly of yourself when your faves have done worse. What does that then make you? A racist? A misogynist? An AS denier? An abuse apologist? Someone who endorses apartheid? Someone who's OK with controlling the female body? A war criminal?

You see how absurd that all is?

Honestly, it's not that deep. But again, it's not bad to see yourself in character. Just realise that when people have some reservations about them, they are not calling YOU out. They are strictly talking about that character and that character alone. But maybe if you find so much offence, perhaps you should think about why that is. Look deep and figure out why it troubles you so much. Perhaps they're holding up a mirror, and you simply can not bear to look into it, seeming that that character represents you so much.

I think this is the only fandom I've been involved in where simply daring to disagree with the main MC and side characters can lead to online prosecution and just so much hostility. I've seen some truly nasty comments, and it's boggling. I can imagine how off-putting it may seem to newer readers.

I long for the days when people can talk about the characters and narrative alone without feeling the need to make disclosures about what they support in real life because it's truly unnecessary. I thought reading fiction was meant to be a form of escapism, not defending my moral standpoint.

If I said I enjoyed Katherine Pierce, Klaus Mikaelson and Kai Parker from TVD, what then? They're despicable, but fucking enjoyable. Don't get me started on Game of Thrones characters.

Alright, I'm done now 😅

[rin-henricov]

What would you say is your top 5 favorites in Storm Hawks? (BUT you can't use Stork XD)

Aww man, you caught me on the last word :'D I thought for a long time, trying to remember all the characters I like besides Stork, but it was even more difficult to put them in their places, cause I love them all equally. So be it, I will answer! 1. Radarr.

Number one on my list is the sky lemur, a comic-relief sidekick and just a funny character whose antics are so much interesting to watch. He's just a cute little fella, so assure you, he can safely be trusted with a firearm. 2. Master Cyclonis.

The supreme ruler of a matriarchal empire in the person of a cynical teenage girl? Give me two! I also really like her design — especially impressive is the idea of a hood that resembles the petals of a devil's daisy. At least, never seen anything like this in any media before.

Well, now let me share my subjective opinion. Let's be honest: just because she's a lonely girl with no friends doesn't absolve her of responsibility for deliberately ravaging the terras for the empire's expansion (has anyone ever wondered about Finn's or Piper's terras?) and entertaining her people with brutal gladiatorial battles. Even if she had undergone a thorough introspection and returned from the other side of Atmos with the entire squadron, it was unlikely that anyone would have forgiven her. Also don't like the fact, that in the eyes of some fans (not speaking for everyone!), she is nothing more than Draco in leather pants, whose flaws nobody tried to notice.

I understand that my opinion may seem very controversial, and you have every right to disagree with it. However, I still hold the thought that «loving a character does not mean justifying their actions». 3. Repton.

A badass, strong, fearless leader of the criminal squadron, who does not back down before any challenges, no matter how serious they may be. Admired the fact that Repton, as one of the most competent servants of the Empire, is not afraid to contradict Cyclonis herself and always remains true to his beliefs. I always assumed he called Stork a salamander cause of his cowardice and dodgy nature. Even after the merb had destroyed his entire squadron, Repton continued to treat him with the utmost prejudice and did not consider Stork a serious opponent. Based on the lore, it is logical to assume that the Raptors were raised with the idea that they are the most dominant species in all of Atmos, and all others must serve them or be conquered. I just think that's one of the few reasons he harbors a general dislike for all existing races :D 4. Merbian postmaster from episode «Scouts Honor».

Oh yes, my favorite trope — «a character who appears in a two-minute scene, says just one phrase, and manages to win your heart in half a minute». I've always wondered what his background might have been, and what he might have done besides his work. It seems to me that he is less emotional and more resistant to any stress than Stork. However, he may experience some social awkwardness in communication, and it is easy to confuse him with a couple of personal questions. Therefore, he prefers to use short and clear phrases, which makes his speech more meaningful than it really is. I've already drawn him once, but it's quite possible that I'll do it again. 5. Griffin.

He's my son, ask questions. Characters that aren't on the main list, but are also my favorites: 1. These cute bunny fellas.

2. Hamish.

3. Aaaand... The Murk Raiders!

[synnthamonsugar]

Cannot describe the way these posts changed my brain chemistry in ways I'm only beginning to understand when it comes to approaching f/m ships and unpacking the ways that fandom reaction to misogynist het dynamics can stack overflow back into what I feel on a gut level is a different flavor of misogyny though I have trouble pinpointing how exactly. At the very least a cloying, performative faux-feminism which absolves the shipper of any deeper introspection on gender dynamics by mapping a female and male character to an old school seme/uke dynamic and calling it a day. ("I'm queering m/f by making the woman the abuser and the man an ambitionless doormat! Empowering!") This has also become a shadow in the corner of my eye when it comes to fandom trying to write "het but empowering"; I see it everywhere and it drives me mad.

Maybe one day I'll figure it out but in the meantime I'll try like hell not to write this way.

[dr-lizortecho]

LOVE your answers and would also love to hear more about why you love Tyler! He's not at all the kind of character I usually love---I like softer, awkward nerds lol---and he was gross in his S1 interactions with Vicki, but I ended up loving him and Forwood became my OTP. I'd love to hear what you see as Tyler's strengths and why he and Caroline are the perfect match :)

Hi anon! Sorry I’m only formulating my response to this now 😭 I forgot- but…

Tyler isn’t generally the kind of character I adhere to either! So it’s a surprise for me that not only do I love him, but he’s my favorite character from the tvdu. Now this can be easily attributed to his growth (I did NOT like him in season one- and watching the start of that season even knowing where he ends up hurts). His character growth is so beautiful- because you can watch 1x01 and see how he treats his friends and Vicky and it all makes sense, he’s still the same guy from the later seasons. This is because they never try and change him, or even try to absolve his sins. Instead he’s given a realistic growth arc- in which he confronts his issues and their roots and works on them. Not only this but his interactions with his friends and family change along the way, his openness and his kindness shining through. On top of that his character has a very relatable and solid understanding of reality, he understands nuances rather easily and has emotional competency not too many of the other members have (not that they lack it- just they lack the same level of self introspection).

Tyler knows his limits, he understands how far his growth has reached and how much further he has to go. And sets clear boundaries in his relationships not just to protect those relationships and himself, but to acknowledge how far he has come with his anger and trauma and how much further he has left to go.

So for his strengths I will always claim his emotional competence and his heart are what makes it. Because he has a good heart- even if he doesn’t know how to use it or listen to it at the start of the show. Then there’s his level headedness and overall social intelligence, which makes him a great pack leader and an asset to the cast.

As for his relationship with Caroline I think it’s their special blend of communication that sold it for me. Because they are so emotionally open and push each other to grow into better people.

[vibrantstarfire]

4 interconnected rhato outlines with titles and themes set to the bridge of florida!!!

I need to forget, so take me to Florida

kory's perspective of rhato ending and going to key west florida. lots of introspection of her amnesia, and then repression of the memories that came back.

she leaves a voicemail for a friend she still can't quite remember (donna troy) who is always on the edge of time. she asks if it hurts more to forget, to to remember.

I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida

kory reconnects with dick. its fun and flirty, until she tells him she wont come on so strong again, like she did when they were in florida. they talk about it. he asks why she was so different. she recounts what life was like, actively repressing so many memories. she talks about the way of the warrior, then remembering after roy kissed her -- and still trying to keep those memories buried. dick asks what she means. she tells him, and it unsettles her.

Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

dick finds out roy slept with kory when she was an amnesiac. he punches roy about it. basically this is me unpacking... all of that mess. roy attempts to absolve himself by saying that when leonid kovar kissed kory to restore her memory when she was similarly amnesiac, it worked. dick says, 'did you really think that? or are you trying to make excuses? also, he kissed her. he didn't fucking sleep with her.' and there's not much more to say about it.

What a crash, what a rush, fuck me up, Florida

roy dies. donna visits his grave a lot. kory and donna talk. kory teaches at titans academy. roy comes back, and reality shifts again, a little. donna has a good sense for these things; there's been a change, and some of kory's adventures with roy no longer exist, they literally couldn't have happened anymore.

donna and kory go to florida together and get fucked up. something something, different costumes and eras blur between them. but they're here and they're going to be fine.

[so-true-overdue]

The Lure of the Shiny Lie

A glistening hook always glimmers brightest in murky waters.

Consider, if you will, the siren song of the seemingly profound—a tapestry of words woven so artfully that it demands not scrutiny but surrender. Misinformation is not crude; it is polished, sculpted, seductive. It does not announce itself with crass simplicity; it masquerades as enlightenment. It offers not arguments but answers, complete and unyielding, tailored perfectly to soothe the agitated soul. And thus, the unguarded mind, like an unwary swimmer, is drawn inexorably into the swirling eddy of deceit.

Oh, how effortlessly it begins! A charismatic voice, brimming with authority, whispers: You are not lost; the world is wrong. This is the first kiss of the false prophet—the soft assurance that your doubts, your frustrations, your alienations are not your burden to bear. They are not symptoms to be examined but injustices to be avenged. The lie does not challenge you; it absolves you. It does not demand introspection; it gifts you an identity. And who among us, vulnerable and searching, would not grasp such an elegant lifeline?

Yet, herein lies the trickery. For what feels like lifeboats are, in fact, anchors. The cult of misinformation, whether a literal congregation or an amorphous web of conspiracies, is not content to offer you a way out. It demands your devotion, your compliance, your surrender. It closes you off—not merely from dissenting voices but from the humble, unadorned pursuit of truth itself.

Let me warn you: once you have entered this eddy, its grip tightens like a whirlpool. You are spun around and around in a vortex of confirmation bias, where every new "fact" is merely a reinforcement of the lie. Counterarguments are dismissed not as intellectual challenges but as evidence of some sinister them, conspiring to mislead you. And you, dear believer, are special now. You see through the veil, do you not?

This is the insidious genius of misinformation. It doesn't just prey on ignorance—it preys on intelligence. It flatters your capacity for critical thought while systematically dismantling it. It encourages skepticism but directs it only outward, never inward. Like a cult leader whispering sweet distortions in your ear, it leaves you ever more certain even as you become ever more detached from reality.

And let us not imagine this is merely a failing of others. No, this peril is democratic, unbounded by intellect or education or intention. For who among us does not crave certainty? Who among us is impervious to the warm embrace of an ideology that affirms our righteousness? The danger is not that we are too foolish but that we are too human.

So what is to be done? How do we resist the glittering eddy,

[uchihashisuii]

to listen, to suffer. (to entrust unto tomorrow)

Summary: "Have you slept?" Joshua asks, voice hushed as to not break the facade of peace that permeates the air. Because of course he begins with that; Phoenix is ever the healer, the caregiver, the protector. Concerned only for the well-being of those around him and not a whit for his own ills or pains. | Spoilers abound!

Pairing: Dion Lesage/Joshua Rosfield

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1994

Content warning for introspection, romance, character study, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, and a first kiss long overdue

Author’s Note: rises from the ashes HEH with some brand new nonsense. you ever see two characters you Know are gonna be your faves and you're like. oh i'm gonna make them kiss. and then you discover there's actual substance for aforementioned faves and why they should kiss??? yeah as close to rapture as i'm ever gonna get i wanna thank not only god but jesus for all the joshua and dion content

also the summary lied to you its actually the morning but listen. listen. sunrise is more romantic than sunset fight me on that. plus using eve just sounded better

title is from answers from ffxiv cause i have a disease

Ao3 link

-----

With eyes turned eastward, Dion watches the darkened haze that drapes the world, a startling reflection of that which envelops his heart. Hours, days, weeks; time passes, but even years hence the results of his patricide and his ensuing loss of control will continue to dog his heels, to haunt his every thought.

The clawing shadows of agony swirl around him, enshrouding him; a burden he refuses to allow a moment's respite. For to refuse it, to ignore it - would be as forgetting what he had done. The blood of his father, his people, his home. Red-drenched gauntlets and the wind beneath Bahamut's wings buffeted by the anguished cries of those he swore to protect. Dion resolved himself to ridding Sanbreque of its poison, and instead took that which made her complete. Shining citadels and grand streets could be rebuilt - but one cannot hope to restore the laughter and strength of a people, the love of a father; on Dion's heart will the guilt ever weigh down.

He refuses to dwell on that which he has lost. No, his mind turns only to what he has taken. A home, a people, an emperor. Grieving stars shine through the haze, pinpricks of light weeping for what has been done. There is nothing he could do, no apology or deed grand enough to encapsulate the void of his sorrow, of his remorse.

Dion is not naive nor self-absorbed enough to think throwing himself unto his lance would absolve him, would pay the impossible due of his transgressions. He darent even hope for the opportunity. The unthinkable deeds have been done, and never once would he think himself worthy of forgiveness. There are none left in the ruins of his home even left to offer it. All that remains is the steadfast hope, the will to bring a better tomorrow, reflected in the haunted eyes of Phoenix and Ifrit. And it will cost his life -he hopes, he prays it does- but still he will take to the skies as Bahamut once more, grief punctuating every beat of his wings, as he bears on his back the hope for a future he does not deserve to see.

-----

Joshua finds him still deep in contemplation in the early hours, before the first rays of dawn could break across the horizon. There is a chill dancing about the air, breath fanning forward in pale wisps as they stand in comfortable silence, content to simply gaze out upon the world gone so utterly, ruinously wrong.

He tries not to dwell on it. Where heartbreak threatens to split him in twain, he remembers there is hope. In those surrounding him, in those that look to Ifrit and those whose hands may shape a brighter future. Maybe, even, some hope for him; just a little.

"Have you slept?" Joshua asks, voice hushed as to not break the facade of peace that permeates the air. Because of course he begins with that; Phoenix is ever the healer, the caregiver, the protector. Concerned only for the well-being of those around him and not a whit for his own ills or pains. 

He cares too much for one so young, Dion remembers thinking when they met as children. This small boy, this Dominant of Fire, who kneeled in the dirt and coughed from the dust dispersed. Only stopping long enough to look annoyed about it, before using his abilities as Phoenix to heal the broken wing of a bird. 

Who heals the healer? he thinks now. Certainly nobody he would even allow, insisting others be placed before himself. Dion believes, wholeheartedly, that he'd have made a fine Duke, were things - different. A man he would have been proud to stand beside, uniting their lands and ushering in an era of peace.

He'd left whimsical dreams behind long ago, the only thoughts left remaining were ones of how to ensure Sanbreque's victory and the survival of his people. But something about Joshua -his earnestness, his optimism, his very presence- makes Dion want to believe. Makes him think he's worthy of it.

"A scant couple of hours," is all Dion says in reply once he pulls himself from spiraling thoughts, unable to lie to one so gentle. Gazing out over the calm waters surrounding Ifrit's hideaway in staunch refusal to meet eyes too kind to be cast in his direction. To stare too long would prove his undoing, in more ways than he is comfortable putting a name to. Still, Joshua moves in his periphery, until the press of a bony elbow brushes into his forearm. When he glances a look, just as he expected, Dion cannot look away.

He's beautiful, in the calm of morning. No expectations, no fuss or hassle. The wind tussling his mussed hair, pale eyes bright with something warm. He belongs here, Dion thinks somewhat softly to himself. With the gossamer glow of sunrise bathing him in light, throwing his delicate angles into sharp relief. Impossibly long lashes of burnished gold brushing against the tops of his cheeks, mouth curving up into a secret smile that has Dion turning his attention swiftly elsewhere.

It is a struggle, sometimes, to see Joshua. Unlearning habits take time, but Dion works at it even amidst the fire and flame. His entire life Dion has been defined by simple measures; he is a Dominant, he is crown prince, he is dragoon commander. He is Bahamut, and not simply Dion. A symbol of light, a means to protect the empire. Faceless. A beacon. Simple.

Joshua is not simple. And yet he is; he's merely a man, holding fast to his convictions and his heart. A man with a sweet smile and gentle hands, who loves as fierce as any wildfire. A kind man, who paradoxically keeps any and all at arm's length in the hope that weakness and vulnerability are kept carefully hidden beneath those carefree smiles.

It comes full circle as all at once the taste in his mouth is reminiscent of the ash that blanketed Sanbreque. Dion is no longer any of these things, and those childhood fantasies of finding someone who saw through the gilded silver veneer of an imperial Dominant to unfurl the man trapped beneath - perhaps now, at the end of all things, there is the chance to simply be. Be understood, be - Dion.

Simple, he thinks with a bitter quirk of his mouth, just as I wanted.

"It's a lovely morning," Joshua remarks at his side, leaning just so until he can brush his shoulder against Dion's. Expertly wielding word and action to pull Dion from distraction; his frown shifts into something softer, something worthy of a serene early morning at the side of someone precious. 

When he turns to respond, it is to the sight of Joshua looking to him and not the view. Something clenches just beneath his ribs, and it is only in the quietude of an unassuming morning that Dion feels the world around him fall away, locking gaze with a still-smiling Phoenix.

Dion was never quite able to see himself in Joshua; too starkly different in method if not desire. But perhaps they're more similar than he first surmised, evidenced in the way the younger man studies him awash in the glow of sunrise, in the understanding clear as glass in those lovely eyes. The pressure that comes part and parcel in being fundamentally nothing more than a tool for your people, be it as weapon or shield. The trauma of a lost home, lost family. The guilt of bearing responsibility for so much loss, so much death and destruction. Dion finds himself reflected in those eyes, that have seen and wrought as much pain as he has. But even still, so too is there love, and acceptance, and maybe even peace.

"Lovely indeed," Dion whispers, eyes still locked on Joshua's and soft words nearly lost to the wind.

There are no further words, but none are quite needed. A grin, beautiful with closed eyes and full of teeth and tender joy, breaks across Joshua's face like the dawn. He laughs, very nearly shyly, and brings a hand to cover his mouth. As though he were embarrassed of his mirth, as though he wished to hide from Dion's searching expression. 

It is not a morning for hiding, nor is it one for things left unsaid. Dion doesn't expect to see the next rising of the sun, and shrugs off the idea of his own indulgence. The world and his life have gone to hell, yet the rise of a new day is stunning to behold. Paling very nearly to the pink that dusts Joshua's cheeks, to the way nerves and delight seem to wash from him in near-tangible waves. 

He's beautiful enough to break hearts, Dion thinks. In face and in soul both, in equal measure. His heart must feel much as he does right now; warmth from the gentle light of the sun, filtering through clouds to bathe them, for a moment, in something greater.

Dion feels nearly as shocked as Joshua looks when, not a heartbeat later, his gloved hand moves to curve over Joshua's elbow. The thrum of awareness carries between them, and yet again the world has gone quiet. Breath held, a moment in limbo; anticipation gathers heady around them. Dion cannot move further, cannot make his mouth work to tell Joshua above everything else I see you, I hear you. As you see me, as you hear me.

The linger does not last, Dion jolted from his yet once more spiraling thoughts to find Joshua cupping his cheek. Hand bare, his skin softer than silk. Thumb rubbing small circles beneath Dion's eye, lips parted and something familiarly unspoken dancing on the tip of his tongue. He runs warm, Dion realizes. Some quirk of Phoenix's power, perhaps; or maybe there is some merit to the rumors that all those from Rosalith have fire in their blood. Or perhaps, he thinks, when Joshua leans forward to close what distance lingers between them; perhaps it is simply Joshua. Sunlight manifest. 

The press of his mouth to Dion's feels startling natural. Much like in all other aspects Joshua is reserved, but not timid, when he kisses. Testing the waters, searching for an answer in Dion's reverent silence. And silent he remains; breath stopped short, a gentle gasp stolen with the rush of his pulse. Loud in his own ears, Dion hesitates for barely half a moment before he allows himself to simply feel.

Eyes slipping shut, Dion moves until he grips tight, certain, to Joshua's slim waist. Pulling him close with desperate, grasping fingertips until they are pressed tight enough they threaten to fold together into one. It's heady, made more intoxicant by the way he can feel more than hear the soft moan from Joshua, heat and desire making Dion's head spin. He breaks the kiss, basking and breathing, before pressing another, and another, to Joshua's pliant and waiting mouth. 

He doesn't question, doesn't hesitate. Fate and the future are ever fickle, and whether he deserves even a moment's respite in a question he refuses to entertain at present. Instead Dion savors it, when he grips tight to the hair at Joshua's nape just to hear that sweet sound once more. Perhaps there is nothing that awaits him this day save further agony, perhaps only a quiet death is all he deserves. But for now he has Joshua in his arms, against his mouth. Swallowing down Dion's every small sound, holding tight and refusing to let go. He is no longer shy, no longer gentle; Joshua licks into his mouth and every slick glide of their tongues has Dion falling just that little bit further.

The sun finishes its ascent, blinding even to Dion's closed eyes. The warmth that surrounds him, that resides within him, echoes and builds with every harried pulse of his desperate heart, resonating like the beat of a firebird's wings.

[northerngoshawk]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

thank you @dearestpartnerofgreatness! i've done this before, but it doesn't hurt to do it again hahaha (and with more background info lol)

The Dishonored Blade - an ATLA x League of Legends AU, in which on the Winter Solstice during the Fire Nation Spirit Festival, Zuko must reckon with the sins of his past. this fic was the first niche au/wholly indulgent fic i've ever written for myself, and i consider it my best writing to date. just,,, the themes and lessons weave themselves in so naturally that i can hardly believe myself when i read it back and... i think people should read it, especially since this is probably one of my best depictions of the platonic zukaang relationship.

i don't know who i am (but i won't stop trying) - my Katara-centric fic series that deals with colonialism, cultural appropriation, and cultural genocide. technically a series of two fics, but it serves to view the canon ATLA series through the lens of cultural genocide, a lens that i seldom see within larger fandom. and as self-deprecating i am, i do think that those themes really shine in this series, and it's clearly touched many people who have felt these things personally. overall a great series that should be read altogether!

dreamless dreams - a platonic zukaang fic in which Zuko grapples with the guilt of contributing to the imperialism of the FIre Nation and Aang shows him how to heal from it. i have not seen many fics that truly delve deep into Zuko's guilt and shame and have him grapple with those feelings - a lot of Zuko-favorable fics tend to absolve him of his guilt and it's like eeeee. so this was my first truly in-canon introspection of Zuko's character, and i think i did it well

these sleepless nights we spend (waiting to come home) - my Hakoda Adopts Aang fic, because yes Aang deserves all the good things. i just loved developing their relationship (which we barely see in the series) and drawing parallels between them. overall, a fic well-done!

leaves let go (to fall from the vine) - an underrated one, but an Iroh & Lu Ten fic in which Iroh meets Lu Ten one last time and learns to let go of his grief. this fic was written as an angst starter sentence prompt from @itsmoonpeaches, and as intimidated as i was, i really did enjoy writing their relationship, the parallels between the past of Iroh's & Lu Ten's and the present and future of Iroh's & Zuko's relationship. also this let me write out a small hc i had about Lu Ten, so... can't complain lol.

[the-owl-tree]

Honestly, the double standard for WC characters is so weird (and misogynistic of course). Nobody thinks it's weird ships like SquirrelCr0w <- (so it doesn't go into the tag) is weird, when most depictions overlook Crowfeather's abusive behavior or even ignore what he did to Breezpelt entirely? His neglect of Breezepelt is treated as afterthought if ever acknowledged at all. His treatement of Leafpool or Nightcloud? Nah, who cares about that! His red flags in his relationships after Feathertail aren't even there. Crowfeather would be a great father to Squirrelflight's kits and mate, unlike stinky Bramblestar (who he acts near identical to anyways, and the only difference is he doesn't have an unhealthy power dynamic as her leader or deputy to use against her). Heck, from what I've seen it's usually Feathertail encouraging him to be sooo niceys too, so it's not like HE does introspection (ofc I'm sure that's not always the case but still worth bringing up), so it's not even a matter of him growing as a person. Meanwhile, if you decided to ship Palebird with anyone people would start freaking out. Or if you even breath about Nightcloud since the fandom and books are so desperate to absolve their little uwu boy. I get that AUs are supposed to be fun, but the double standard is so annoying. Especially when it means they act like Crowfeather would ever be sweet as pie to anyone- 💀 no he wouldn't even his so-called redemption book he kept going "god i wish the son i didn't care enough to raise would die already" because he's not saying I'M a good father to him or backing me up!".

i generally understand crowsquirrel as like. a ship that makes sense in the context of tnp where the two actually have an entire journey to bond, but i also just generally don't agree that the two would get on very well after a while. but you know, most of it exists in for fun au's and even though i have my little crowfeather haterisms, i'm not gonna fault anyone for having fun with a sillay little ship au.

but then yeah it is a little like. why dont i get my silly little au then. why can't i believe in a world where the women in warrior cats can actually like each other lol

[keepmeinprayer]

i’ve been doing so much reading up on attachment and caregiver-child relationships for different reasons and all of the evidence points to me having secure attachments with my parents. i spent a while thinking there was something wrong with me because i felt like i couldn’t be a good friend or daughter or anything. it was (still is, to be honest) really hard for me to communicate regularly with the people in my life and i tried to figure out why. (i get anxious when i think about starting conversations with others.) i thought i was like that because i had an insecure attachment (i don’t). i believe thinking like that was an easy way for me to absolve myself of the role that i play in the relationships i have. i know in my brain that it can be quite easy to just reach out to people, to send a text or make a phone call on the drive home, because i’ve done it and it’s turned out easier and better than i initially thought it would. it’s just really hard for me to keep up with that, as it is hard for me to do with so many other things (but that may just be a little bit of executive dysfunction). at this moment, i think i’m ready to say that it’s really up to me to introspect and take responsibility for my actions. there doesn’t need to be anything wrong with me. i don’t need to make myself feel better. i just need to change my behaviors and that’s a harder process because it takes time and effort and i have to be willing to put that in.

i wrote all that to say…? when this process gets hard, i just want to be able to remember that i’m doing this from a place of love and a desire to live with integrity and joy.

[stephenminiotis]

On Hearing Voices: Phase 1: Fear -Neut

Today I want to talk about the very first phase of schizophrenia, which I've deduced to be: auditory hallucinations that scare you.

Some schizophrenics are fortunate in that, the voices do not scare them. These schizophrenics inadvertently get patched to PHASE TWO immediately, and even come to know PHASE THREE and etc. quicker than their fearful peers, in my opinion. But that's neither here nor there.

But MOST schizophrenics (and i'm talking without looking at any stats) are afraid. At least, for a little while. At least, in the beginning. Something scares them. That something is the voices.

They're afraid the voices are a cop. An alien. God or Jesus himself or Allah. and etc. They're afraid that the voices are an Angel or a Demon - well, you get the point. What these schizophrenics basically fear, is a fear of the unknown. And what happens after death, unbeknownst to all of us, is the great fear that binds schizophrenics to phase one.

Are the cops going to come beat me up and kill me? Are there terrorists in my mind using voice to skull technology? Will I be absolved somehow; relieved from this earth and removed? Is a Criminal syndicate in my mind? Are the russians communicating with me with malicious intent? Are aliens going to probe me and my family? But above all: Will the voices come to harm me? Will I die?

This, my friend, coupled with the "programmers" relentless assault on anything you hold dear, and attacks during the times when your mind thinks it is safe, is the jist phase one: Fear and approbation. Fear of the unknown, and fear of the hereafter and fear of death.

The voices are never polite. They tell you to kill yourself or your loved ones. They threaten to beat, harm or maim you. Some people have reported trauma so real from hearing voices, that they have forced orgasms to disguising pictures in their mind. This is a relentless assault, and you WILL be traumatized. Or you're very lucky. In which case, you're already in a subsequent phase.

I myself remember a time when my penis became erect and had an orgasm, without me touching it. Just from the use of my mind. This has happened to me several times. I suppose I was in a dream like state, having what might be considered a wet dream while awake.

Despite all this. Sometimes, there is approbation, or a certain fondness. This is a sort of 'stockholm syndrome' - a certain sympathy for those voices which oppress you. This comes naturally. And even as the voices reject all kind gestures and words, and remind you that they're there to kill you, harm you and your loved ones, or family, and etc. There comes a time (only for some schizophrenics, though; many don't make it out of phase one: and live afraid for life!), there comes a time that the voices become endearing, like chatting with a friend who wants to kill you, and despite their malicious attacks on your psyche, this relentless assault and abuse, in phase two: you put that all behind you. The threats don't seem real. You toughen up. Or you get angry. You won't take no more. Sometimes, you forgive and forget, maybe you're old now and over it. Or you actually sympathize with the "perpetrator" in your mind. Maybe you find their destructive threats somehow endearing. Welcome to phase two.

Stephen M. Miniotis "NeutralG" or "Neut", is a part-time undergraduate studying English Literature at the prestigious University Of Toronto. He is a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic who hears voices chatting with him all day long ,for which he recieves a 3-month injection cycle of medication. He has heard voices for decades. He hears voices to this day. According to him, he is no longer afraid of the voices, and has proceeded to a subsequent phase of introspection.

This article is a rough draft and will be subsequently edited for a book. It is published with permission. (c) 2023 Stephen M. Miniotis.

[mausarchive]

It’s all a way to let themselves off the hook. They can say, “No, I’m not shooting myself in the foot and damaging my own life. I’m just autistic/adhd! Surely everybody else cheerfully does their laundry while singing to birds and spends four hours studying with absolute glee!” When my pediatrician said I might be autistic, my mom told me I needed to learn how to read facial expressions and mimic them, and how to charm people, and I read books about socializing and psychology, and I picked a medical career path where my obsessive attention to detail comes in handy, that also allows me to be alone most of the day. And now I can be very charismatic and charming for job interviews, even if I don’t love it, and I could grit my teeth through difficult and boring college classes, even if I didn’t love it, because I have goals and I understand that if I want to achieve them, I will have to do difficult, boring, annoying things.

thank you for sharing this with me because i think it is important for people to read and see other points of view, i think this "i caught a mental illness from a tiktok" echo chamber is an easy one to fall into when no one is ever given an alternative experience

bless your mom for doing that and not coddling you like a little baby or telling you you'd never be able to do anything because of what that doctor said. people infantilize those with autism too frequently (and there is the perception that they do) and people who like to self diagnose want to take advantage of that to make their lives easier and like you said, absolve themselves of having any real responsibility. when it is the most rewarding thing to have.

you are a strong person anon i am honestly proud of you for your hard work and drive and introspection, i can tell from what you've told me that you don't make excuses and self-reflect and that's important as hell. you took control of what you were told and used it all to your advantage as opposed to the alternative we've mentioned and that is incredibly admirable

[pentition]

Today Pen said this during a date when asked about his past;

"The moment I knew what I was doing, I was already learning how to fight. Poor kid, I don't mind though. In this world of ours, the strong rules over the weak. So you need people like me to shield the unfortunate and dish out justice!"

So maybe there is some sort of hope for redemption with him basically saying he is a child soldier. Or they are going the route that even though there is a fucked up backstory some things cannot be forgiven. He's an asshole don't get me wrong, but I've been known to collect assholes because in fiction I find them very funny.

Spoilers!!

I would love a Pen redemption arc and the more I am here, posting Pen content, the more I want that over cementing him as a villain.

I don't want a redemption arc that entirely absolves him because I think Pen's sincere passion for violence is a vital part of his character. I can believe it was conditioned into him by his environment as a super soldier experiment and child soldier. Regardless if he actually likes it or if it's something he adapted into liking for survival purposes, I think either would be interesting.

The murder of Logan's father is fucked up but I can see that being anywhere between a full truth, a partial truth or an outright lie depending on story and character direction. Either way, I can see it less of being a choice and more of him doing what soldiers do, following orders without question. Does it make it okay? No. But how that subject is approached and the things that factor into it determines how it can be judged and perceived.

I think Pen is a messed up asshole. I don't think he needs to be fixed. I think he just needs to have a choice for once on what he wants from his own life. Little moments in his dialogue where he acknowledges his situation (vaguely) with self-awareness just tells me there's emotional intelligence there that he has kept to himself. Maybe he doesn't know what to do with it beyond punching things but that doesn't mean it's not there. Maybe he just needs redirecting so he can do some introspection on himself.

Pen being an asshole is so fun. I do have a weakness for asshole characters most of the time. At least, ones that either have or potentially have layers as to why they are like this - and hint that they don't operate solely on an asshole spectrum but are capable of more. Being an asshole can be a personality trait but it's also a choice, which I always find interesting and have to ask why.

I'd never change Pen being an asshole. I'd just like to see development of his assholeness potentially coming to benefit Sandrock. Or the facts surrounding Pen aren't all what they seem. Because all I can think about is now that he got caught, Duvos may view him as a failure and that completely jeopardizes things for him. Maybe Duvos will come after Pen now too for failing. Maybe he's at risk to be eliminated or sucked back into whatever program made him into what he is.

I'll always find it fascinating that he considered his work for Duvos as his 'second job'. It's little wording like that that makes me hope being Sandrock's protector because his #1. And his asshole personality + soldier mentality is struggling to allow himself to keep wanting that. And for people (like me) that have romanced him, the lack of addressing the whole situation in game is frustrating. From a narrative standpoint though, if he is struggling, it becomes a little more interesting in terms of trying to forcefully distance himself by not acknowledging any of it.

Oop there I go. Sorry for the text wall. sdgdfhgfjhg Either way, I hope there is too. Thanks for the ask!!

[mashithamel]

A Court of Silver Flames: Sarah J Maas

It’s time for Nesta POV!!! Bring it on!!! My reading thread for A Court of Silver Flames 🧵:

* “They would pay. All of them. Starting with this Cauldron. Starting now.” Nesta, my beloved. You are my queen.

* “There were none of Nesta, naturally.” This is going to be a long book, isn’t it? Feyre is starting off on a very bad foot, and I am going to be ranty. Every single person there knows trauma and hard recoveries. Feyre is an asshole.

* “During that first tour, Nesta had noted the lack of herself here. The lack of their mother. She said nothing, of course, but it was a pointed absence.” Gosh, I wonder why she wants nothing to do with you currently.

* “She might have accepted her different, altered body, that she was now permanently changed and her humanity gone, but she didn't know where she belonged in this world, either.” 😢

* “Rhys already visited the landlord. It will be torn down and rebuilt as a shelter for families still displaced by the war.” Um…what about the people currently living there that will be displaced?

* I’m hardly the first person to comment on this, but does no one at least consider the irony of Feyre locking Nesta up for her own good? And how well she took it?

* Look, I’m not absolving Nesta—people deep in the grip of mental illness and substance use can be selfish assholes who cannot see beyond their own pain. Nesta is not doing ok, and it’s reasonable to cut her off financially. But forced rehab is not effective. And Feyre doesn’t love or care for her.

* “She'd wanted to scream and scream, but there had been so many people around. She'd held herself together until the meeting with all those war heroes had ended. Then she'd let herself fall. Straight into this silent pit.” 😭

* God forbid Lucien, who has no reason to like the IC except that Elain happens to lives there, have his own friends. And biases. #LeaveLucienAlone

* Nesta has named Cassian’s poses, and he’s named hers. ❤️

* “The familiar male's gaze snagged on her. "What's her business here?" Nesta gave him a secretive smile. "Witchcraft." Even in the pits of depression Nesta remains the best.

* “I am worthless and I am nothing. I hate everything that I am. And I am so, so tired. I am tired of wanting to be anywhere but in my own head.“ ~ Nesta

* Speaking of trauma: Jurien. Why he isn’t insane I have no idea. (But if gives me hope Viktoria might be rescuable from under the sea if he survived 500 years as an eyeball in a ring?) #SaveViktoria

* I am enjoying Nesta’s stand off friendship with the House.

* “She'd already conversed with one stranger today, fulfilling her quota of basic decency. Being kind to a second one was beyond her.” I’ve been here before.

* "Tamlin's staying in his beast form and is finally getting the punishment he deserves. So what?" I have been seriously considering a reread of the early books from a Tamlin-sympathetic view. There is a lot to this character, and this quote seems like a very simplistic take on him.

* The anti-cassian/anti-nessian fandom is missing out on spectacular interactions (don’t flame me).

* “ I don't want to hear about Feyre and her special journey.” Me neither! I think this trauma-recovery, in which the victim is an asshole, is much more relatable. The self-hatred and fear that is turned outward. Yeah, I get it.

* “She'd been sweating herself when they'd finished, wondering what it'd be like to be between those two male bodies, letting them turn all that lethal attention on worshipping her.” Looks like the House has exciting taste in books! One thing I learned from reading @mostlybree.kitrocha.com is when faced with a love triangle: porque no los dos? (Or more, no judgement here). A pity most of the books I’ve read lately seem to think a only pairing is the best way to go.

* “Maybe physical training wasn't what they required to overcome their demons, and she'd been arrogant enough to assume she knew what they needed.” Introspection? The thought that she might not immediately know what someone else needed to hear? Rhys, have you ever heard of such a thing?

* “You are to treat Gwyn with kindness and respect.” Ok. Nesta has not really demonstrated a lot of this in front of Rhys, so I can’t 100% hate him for this, but how exactly does he think Nesta convinced Gwyn up here? Dude spends his time convincing his own court that he’s an evil badass but seems to have a hard time recognizing the mirror of Nesta.

* “Cassian just strode to Nesta's side and slung an arm around her shoulders before drawling to Rhys.” I also assume the anti-nessians who argue Cassian has never once stood up to Rhys for Nesta won’t be happy unless he punches Rhys in the face? Because I think this is what Nesta would much prefer.

* “On the chance that it could be bad for the baby, Feyre is forbidden to so much as change the color of her hair until after the birth.” I’m gonna have to say that if the options are “maybe bad for baby” vs “definitely lethal to mom” once that kid gets to term (or close enough) you go ahead and risk it. Cause “lethal for mom” is generally really bad for baby too. Especially if, I guess, c-section is off the table?

* Side note! The most memorable (and disturbing, given we were eating lunch at the time) lecture from med school was on obstetric tools from before c-sections were survivable. You know, from when you would have to choose to save the mom or the baby. Because if baby was stuck and not coming out (for any number of reasons) you can either cut mom open (and she’s not gonna survive), or you can dismember baby into pieces and hope mom survives the extraction. Most impactfully was the point made that the tools for saving mom are still in use in some parts of the world where c-sections aren’t available. It was the sort of talk that really makes you appreciate the medical advances that have drastically improved maternal-infant mortality rates all over the world.

* "No one says a word about this to Feyre. No one.” So, I know how this turns out already (I don’t avoid spoilers), but the ethics of this decision are appalling. Nesta is the only one who does the right thing.

* “Elain was like a dog, loyal to whatever master kept her fed and in comfort.” Holy cow, Nesta! I *never* thought to hear you think such a thing about Elain. Ouch! Maybe the meanest thing you’ve said to date!

* “Run. She couldn't. If she were to run, it would be toward him, not away.” ❤️

* “Amren's gray eyes held steady. "She cannot know." Rhys said, "That seems like a risk.” Rhys. Do you even hear yourself right now?

* “Gwydion…had been as dark as night and as beautiful.” You guys, I’m going to start new Prydain fanfiction if this keeps up. I think I still have a crush on Lord Gwydion.

* Noble of Cassian to think so highly of Rhysand and Feyre that this High King idea would be good. But eh. I’m not a fan. Can I start an underground resistance to something that hasn’t even happened yet? Me and Tamlin (bless his beastly broken heart) perhaps. Hmmm….

* K. Sure, Rhys, blame Nesta for spilling the beans. Might be time for some of that introspection about how maybe you don’t know what’s best all the time, huh?

* "There's nothing broken to be fixed," he said fiercely.” Obviously I’m cherry-picking the lines I like most, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t say them, and mean them. And there’s quite a bit to be said about a man who adores a woman and is still able to call her out on her shit. And about a woman who can take it.

* “The sword was an extension of her arm, a part of her as much as her hair or breath. Every movement bloomed with purpose and precision. In the moonlight, before the silvered lake, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.” Lady Death, everyone.

* “She didn't know how Amren hadn't gone mad. How she'd found the strength to survive.” So, you’re telling me there’s a chance Viktoria is ok in Midgard, is what I’m hearing. #FreeViktoria

* "We heard about you down here. You are the one the sea and the wind and the earth whispered of." He shuddered. "Nesta." That’s right! Shiver in fear before my queen!

* My girl has a thing for beheading, and as a signature move it is a *choice*.

* Can you imagine a Nesta “Lady Death” Acheron + Nynaeve “anything-but-death” al’Meara team up? They would be *unstoppable*.

* The swords and dagger belong to Nesta. End of story. She made them. They, and the power they hold, are hers. If anyone gets to be High-whatever because of them, it’s her.

* “Cassian's heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien's face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.” Please get this man a HEA.

* I adore the house and Nesta’s sleepover!

* “She wasn't perfect, but ... neither was Feyre” This is the balance in the Force that this fandom needs.

* “The world was beautiful, and she was so grateful to be in it. To be alive, to be here, to see this.” 😌

* Nesta, please don’t become as nasty as the rest of the IC. You are going to get Eris and Lucien and Jurian and Vassa to unit against you if you keep up this nasty, entitled attitude. You want allies? You want unity? You gotta find some respect for people who aren’t you.

* Blood Rites: because Hunger Games is copywrited.

* “Then Rhys fell to his knees and took Nesta's hands in his, pressing his mouth to her fingers. "Thank you," he wept, head bowed.” This feels absolutely right.

* “all of it paid for by Rhys, who could not stop buying her presents.” This is also exactly right. She will never go present-less at Winter Solstice again!

* The painting of Nesta is very appropriate. I do have mixed feelings about the timing—Nesta had to earn her painting? She had to literally risk her life multiple times and save the entire Feysand family unit before she was good enough? I’m happy for her because she knows she belongs now. It’s just…

* The Blood Rite felt tacked on and was unnecessary. I mean, Cassian saved her life (I’m not downplaying everything she did to that point, just noting she would have died if the guy hadn’t shown up!). They sleep in the trees without a problem, despite it being a big deal that the monsters can climb. They have a few fights, but are largely left alone? They don’t hunt or find, I dunno, berries or anything, just starve for days? And then while injured and weak they accomplish what almost nobody else can? Eh. It establishes them as warriors, I think there were other ways to do it.

* And Cassian had to sit on his butt for a week, just twidling his thumbs. Which is fine, but not terribly interesting for a mate who must be going out of his mind with worry?

* Anyway, I’m a fan of Nessian, Nesta & House, Emerie and Gwyn, and everything Nesta. Give my queen back her Made items and the Trove. Rhys should spend the rest of his life on his knees to her. And give my girl all the smutty books and chocolate cake!